One of the biggest fears after a loved one dies is losing our connection with them as we move forward. There is a huge fear that we and others will forget them since they aren’t here physically to remind us of their presence. This can cause you to remain stuck in your grieve and not wanting to move forward. It’s important that we are proactive when it comes to sustaining a connection with our loved ones that we’ve lost.
I am here to tell you, I get it and it doesn’t have to be that way. We don’t have to lose our connection with our loved ones. There are so many things that we can do to maintain that connection. First, we must accept that they are gone and that it’s up to us to change how we view our relationship with them.
It’s no longer of a physical nature, which we are used to. We are the ones that are responsible for creating a new type of relationship with our loved one. One that allows us to move forward while still sustaining a connection with them.
Here are some tips for sustaining a connection with your loved one:
Repurpose clothing – Use an article(s) of their clothing and make pillows, quilts, teddy bears or anything other types of item that would bring you comfort. Possible make a few and share them with family members and as you do share stories of your loved one.
Talk to them – It’s truly ok if you talk to your loved one. Share your day, your struggles and your joys. Tell them anything you would have before. Many times after my husband died I would walk in my house after work and holler, “Honey, I’m home”. It gave me a sense of connection and peace. So talk to them as often as you want.
Embrace photos – Keep a photobook, scrapbook or framed photos around of your loved one. Maybe include a brief paragraph about the memory in the photos. Carry them with you, share them with others. Review the photos on holidays and anniversaries. Photos have a way of bringing us back to that moment – back to a sense of connection and love. I created a beautiful small softcover photo book with some of the most precious memories that I can carry with me.
Visit favorite places – Visiting favorite places that bring up good memories can stimulate a connection. It could be a restaurant, park, lake, hike, city, state – any place that brings back happy times. Think about them while your there and how they may have felt as well as how it made you feel to be there with them.
Go on a trip to a place you both wanted to go – Travel may be hard and seem lonely and scary at first, but once you take that first trip (maybe start out on a short one) you’ll find it’s not as hard as imagined. Of course, you could always bring a friend or loved one with. Go on that adventure! As we all know, life is short!
Start a ritual – Light candles, say prayers, write little notes and release them somehow or, make their favorite meal or dessert. There are so many things we can use to create a ritual. One ritual I love is one that I did on the anniversary of my husband’s passing. I bought some dissolvable paper and wrote little notes on it. Then I went to the ocean and as I stood over a bridge, I read each note to him and dropped them one by one into the water. I felt such a deep connection to him in those moments.
Save their signature – There are so many ways to save your loved one’s signature. You can have it tattooed on your body, engraved onto a piece of jewelry, etched into pottery or printed onto a favorite photo or card.
Save and use something special of theirs – Wear their clothing, sit in their favorite chair, read their favorite book or bible. That is what I do. I have my husbands Bible that is filled with his handwriting and notes. I open it every day and read his notes and the verses he noted. It brings me so close to him and helps me to remember what he saw is important by the verses he took care to note.
These are just a few of the ways that we can be proactive in sustaining our connection with our loved one. The importance isn’t on what we do, but that we do it. This will assist in your healing and your ability to continue to move forward in life without the fear of losing that connection.
What Are Your Next Steps?
STEP 1 LET ME HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS
I can’t wait to hear your thoughts. What do you do to sustain connections with your loved ones? Please comment below.
STEP 2 HOP ON A SHORT 20 MINUTE CALL WITH ROXANE
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